Some jokes - found on the web, and from people's voices..
Wheelchair
Paddy's been out drinking all night. The bartender finally shouts the bars closed. So Paddy stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand once more and falls flat on his face again.
Paddy figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up a little.
Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face again. So he decides to crawl for a while then tries to stand up, again he falls flat on his face. Finally he ends up crawling all the way home, through the door and up to his bedroom.
When he reaches his bed he tries to stand again but falls right into his bed. As soon as his head hit the pillow he was well away.
The next morning he woke-up to his wife shouting at him. SO YOU'VE BEEN OUT DRINKING AGAIN!!. What makes you say that he say's with an innocent look on his face.
She said. The pub called. You've left your wheelchair there again.
These four travellers touring the Australian outback in a Jeep are just approaching a town in the middle of nowhere, when they see these guys chasing sheep into the town.
When they reach the town, they looked down each of the streets they passed, and to their amazement saw men shagging sheep everywhere, even in the doorways and allies.
Eventually they come across a pub and decide to have a drink. Sat outside the pub they saw a one legged guy tossing himself off. When they got to the bar they asked for four beers, then one of the travellers said to the landlord: “What kind of town is this, there's men everywhere shagging sheep, and there's a chap outside wanking himself off”.
The guy behind the bar said: “Hey, Fair do's blue, you can't expect a one-legged guy to go chasing sheep”.
Doctor Doctor
A bloke from Glasgow was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories. A week later the Scot complained to the doctor that they didn't produce the desired results. "Have you been taking them regularly?" the doctor asked.
"What do you think I've been doing," said the man, "sticking them up my fucking arse!!?"
Can you count higher?
The teacher asked a Louisiana teenager to count to five.
The youngster proceeded to count to five on his fingers.
Then the teacher asked, "Can you count any higher?"
The boy raised his hands over his head and counted to five again.
More jokes to added sometime in the future of life. But can you do better? Send them in, go on.
Have a go at our comedy quiz - but don't take it too seriously, you don't win out..
If you have something funny, whether it be a hilarious or crap joke - send it in..
